what is HORShog?
Horshog is dominating your battlespace. It is pushing your HODs to prolapse. It is practicing self-cannabilisim for optimum nutrition. It is completing the Mosul HOD and coming back for more. It is the relentless refinement of your toolbox by sharpening your own tool. It is owning your deadspace. It is fixing your I before worrying about how it fits in team. It is victory. It is defeat. It is getting after it. No crowd, no cheer.
Shed your box for a stall and watch your hog grow.
Alwaysbballin.
"Horshog (HH) is a comprehensive system designed by humans who have encountered and persevered through extreme level 10-type adversity in the life-space domain. The HH family dedicates their lives to preparing for all challenges to completely and unequivocally dominate the known and the deadly unknown (the deadspace of our lives). When ignored, it is the dead space that causes loss of emotional control. The same dead space that will sneak up on you during your WOD while you're crushing some snatch in the local box or when you sit so broken hearted, you go to shit and only farted.
Horshoggers work out in Stalls because that's tier one legit mofo shit. Horshoggers do Hogs of the Day (HODs). We wear the most legit gear in the Stall because a true HH doesn't give a shit what anyone else thinks. A Hogger lives in the moment. We blaze our own trail and fart loudly in supermarkets.
One of the enlightened tenets of Horshog is to always, under all circumstances, maintain levity, a smile, and a sense of humor. When you've lost these key attributes, the deadspace attacks and, because of our resistant posture, we break, we loose control of our emotions, causing us to prolapse uncontrollably in our minds. This is the antithesis of HH. We only accept happiness. We embrace the horse as well as the hog.
Most people who attempt to live the HH life fail because of their inability to tap into and awaken the hog inside. Horshogger's are prepared for everything all the time. Baby wipes."
- John Johnson (1st Place Open Class - 1996 HogGames)
HODS
SHARK JIHAD HOD
Kill your neighbor’s cat and age its carcass in the sun for 3 days. While the cat is ripening, build a remote detonated homemade bomb, dip bomb in tar, and cover it with roofing nails and metal tacks. Put the bomb inside the cat, use kinesiology tape to attach the cat to your ankle, grab your sick surfboard, and head to your closest cold-water break. Splash wildly in the water until you are attacked and fully consumed by one or more sharks. Once eaten, become the shark's prolapse, then eat the shark. AMRAP for time and tabata. Ride the barrel as a finisher and drown. Boom. If you don’t get through the shark in 45 minutes, your training partner in the line-up should trigger the detonator. Pressure simulates real world shark digestion races – train to win. Horshog.
Cool-down: breath holds, followed by 3 Moscow Mules (Closed Circuit) with weighted monkey fuckers on a freshly waxed floor. AMRAP for time.
CORE SLEDGE STRIKES
HH partner assisted sledge strikes to the navel. Great for building core strength and general stall readiness. Once you get to 25 hits with 30lb sledge, progress to same exercise using pick or ice axe.
CLOSED CIRCUIT (CC Hero HOD)
Put your mouth on your ass, prolapse, drink it, repeat. Tabata AMRAP. It's called Closed Circuit Digestion Training, or "CC". The CC training modality should be incorporated into all of your HODs. If CC is not expressly prescribed as part of a given HOD, then expectation is that CC will be employed during both warm-up and cool-down phases. True efficiency - paleo is for fags. Time to get back to the first pre-single cell organisms that predated all animals... Closed Circuit Digestion Training. As in "hey bro, i crushed that HOD today - CCDT'd the Shark Jihad HOD start to finish, and prolapsed the shark on my own prolapse fuel." Leeeeegit.
CHARLES MOORE
Nothing fancy, but its always good to train fundamentals, regardless if your HH rank. Back to basics. 2 minute AMRAP hang cleans with barbell @ 90 lbs + body weight as warm-up, then full body submersion in mixture of 1 part silicone gel/2 parts jet fuel, drop to hogpose, self-ignite and burn for time. Note minimum full-body burn time required as prerequisite to register for monthly wizard plug seminar is 1:06. Also, HH will not officially recognize any athlete prolapses that occur within 24 hours of Charles Moore. Rule 56(a)(23) of HH rank rules deny all prolapses caused by the boiling of internal tissue and/or bodily fluids. Basically no stripes for horshoggers claiming prolapsed eye, nasal passages, or anus tomorrow - everyone knows you got it from the basic self-immolation HOD, and that shit don't count.
FROG (HOG) HOD
Trains: Movement Prep, Posture Integration, Core Activation
Prolapse.
50m sprint at 80% Max HR
50 push ups
50 squats
50 pull ups
50 sit-ups
50 lunges
Prolapse, die, eat your own barf, throw up in your training partner's face, die again.
50m sprint
Prolapse in someone or something 3 rounds.
Finish with death or blow your intestines out of bung.
Post time to Facebook. If dead, have someone post for you.
CYCLING PROLAPSE DEATH RIDE HOD
Ride your bike 6,000 miles through land mines, let one explode, fly into the air and at the same time bicep curl your bike, fall into a fire pit, burn to death, prolapse on a cat, squat AMRAP for time and always go full range of motion so your knees become damaged, get back on your bike, take off your shirt, eat your own prolapse for nutrients and gains, buy free trade organic shade grown coffee, come back from the dead and repeat. 3 rounds for time or until you stay in the death zone.
No beginners.
Always be HOGGING.
MOBILITY HOD
Grab your hose, spray water in your mouth and waterboard yourself so that your stomach fills up, throw up into a bag of cement. Do this 50 times for time.
Next using full ROM to ensure you achieve complete tears in all major knee tendons, squat down (make sure you have compression socks, knee supports, a head band, a beard, and lifting shoes), pick up the wet concrete bag and pour a new sidewalk for your neighbor.
Take 10 walking lunges backwards wearing a gas mask (because you can't get a good workout without one). From the prone position, snap to your feet, yell "FREEDOM" and "Make America Great Again", run towards the newly poured concrete and jump high into the air. Spread your entire body like a spread eagle and belly flop into the wet concrete. Lay still for 24 hours.
Once hardened, the concrete will have created a mold of your body in perfect synchronized harmony with the universe. Lay there for 9 years, 3 days, 2 hours, 4 minutes, and .03 seconds. Now try to get up. If you can't then you haven't yet reached full mobility and need to repeat for another round or as many as it takes.
For advanced mobility HODs, place your face into the concrete and hold your breath for the time mentioned above.
HOG on fellow HOGGERs and be ready for the release of our clothing line. Exclusively for Hog members.
CHOP CHOP CHIP HOD
Wake up from non-sleep state. With your eyes closed, run around a tree chopper x10, sing happy birthday, and box jump into the tree chopper while it's on. Time your jumps so that you don't die. Repeat, probably not because you will most likely be chopped to little pieces. Log your time and write it on a chalk board.
THURSDAY HOD
It's Thursday! Grow a beard, wear a headband, pull your socks high, wear compression socks, put on lifting shoes and act tough as shit. Reflect on your HOG day. Why are you HOGGIN? Better know the answer or pay the man. One note for life.
BURRITO HOD
JUST PUT THAT THING IN YOU'RE MOUTH. Like a champion.
Don't poop, ever.
HAOLE HOD
Pick middle seat insisting you are placed next to large Midwestern couple, rent a yellow mustang convertible, buy a house in Kaawa next to a timely rooster then rent it out to meth heads, fight your way back in the house, go to Home Depot, build a retaining wall, go back to Home Depot, memorize the aisles, get a boogie board, walk to pipe during a contest, paddle out next to John John, punch him in the face, tell him barrels before butt holes, drop in, ride that wave, get held under for 2 hours, get out, walk the beach, do an interview, get choked out. Repeat.
IRAQI DISCO HOD
Eat only human flesh for one week, hold it, then swallow 15 laxative tablets with a cup of oil, sleep on stomach until you projectile prolapse on ceiling, set up grow room lights on floor, plant local free-trade vegetable seeds in shit on ceiling, grow a hanging garden, then fast until harvest.
JUMPING FISHERMAN
Cast your rod, act like you're fishing, say "fuck the line", dive into shallow water, hit your head, have life guards buddy drag you to the sand, swallow water, drown, break your neck, come back to life, swim out to original spot, reel in line with your wiener (wrap the line around it), prolapse, do it again, AMRAP Tabata, drill x 3 mirror looks, 5 rounds, write your score with blood on the OB pier. The important aspect of this HOD is one man's quest to promote gender equality in order to spread world peace through death. Ultimate sacrifice. Wizard level shit.
MethWOD
Do meth, teeth turn black, no more brush, stay wake many time, no rest, da hui, build a plane and fly it to Hawaii, protest, surf kine, send fake surf report, dead lift fat navy seals, pull tridents, run thousand miles to Kahuku, eat shark, hit yoga, smoothie, prolapse, AMRAP FOR TIME 5 days.
SWAG
[Coming Soon]
[Coming Soon]
The following are answers to some frequently asked questions:
Q: I am in excellent shape. I go to spin class 3 times a week, go to my local box for WODs at least once a day, and ran 5 marathons last year!! I want to try Horshog but am not sure if it is for me. Do you think it will be challenging enough given my current level of fitness?
A: Closed Circuit x 5 for time. Now.
Q: I have been doing HODs for awhile now, and find that some of the movements (e.g., hogthrusts) are painful. Should I scale my HODs and/or change out the exercises that are causing pain?
A: If a given hogmovement is causing pain, we suggest that you load that movement to 110% of your current one rep max and repeat it for time to failure until the pain stops. Try to do the movement as fast as possible. You should only advance once you are pain free.